Eighty
by bayboo20
Summary: Jay messes up and gets yelled at by Cole. But when Cole says something wrong, Jay's whole mind seems to stop responding. (A story about a mental shutdown. I encourage those who don't have mental shutdowns to read so they can at least get some idea of what one feels like. All grammar mistakes are for a specific purpose.)


**Before this start I would just like to say that I want this story to produce a certain feeling. So if you are comfortable reviewing, please do so that way I know if I did my job right. Other then that more info at the bottom.**

* * *

Oh, man he messed up. He messed up _big_ time.

Most of the ninja were in the dining room. Cole and Zane were sitting at the table. Cole was mad, annoyed, generally in a horrible mood. Zane, who was across from him, was indifferent, mostly.

Lloyd stood near Zane, not wanting to barge in for fear of getting electrocuted or trapped under some rocks. He watched with curious eyes, wanting to know how the scene played out.

Nya stood by the door, quiet and scared. She did not know what to do in this situation and, like Lloyd, did not want to say the wrong thing for fear Cole's anger would be directed at her.

At least, Jay thought all this.

He sat in a chair close to the exit, something he did when commanded to sit by Cole. It was a little act of rebellion in Jay's eyes, but in his mind, he knew that it was because if he said one thing wrong, he would need to make a quick get away because, boy, did he mess up.

It wasn't his fault, not entirely. So yeah, he got a bit of a temper, but who wouldn't? Kai should've listened the first time. Now both were getting scolded. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid Kai.

Good news is that he was sent away by Cole. Bad news is that he was sent away by Cole already.

Now all eyes were in him. He was the one who yelled and slammed the door.

Cole was talking. And he was _angry_. Jay fought the urge to shrink back into his seat. That only proved to be worse for his case.

Jay tried to defend himself, tried to make his voice heard. It proved difficult since Cole kept interrupting. It drove Jay to his breaking point.

"Can I SPEAK?"

Cole fell silent. That was not a good sign right now. He looked as if he was going to say something, but was stopped by Zane, who motioned for Jay to continue speaking.

"I asked him nicely, but he kept persisting and wouldn't listen… I told him before to not barge into the bathroom..." Jay's voice got softer and his words were falling apart. His sentences looked lame and unfulfilling to his previous outburst. At least, aloud, it felt lame. He had so many more words in his head, so many arguments. Only problem is that now is when he decides to show some restraint instead of speaking his anger.

It was probably for the best anyway. He wouldn't get in as much trouble.

Cole started talking again. Another lecture. Jay listened but didn't hold onto the words or think too much of them until Cole started telling a 'joke' to lighten the mood or something.

"Maybe if you let him walk in on you he would never want to walk in on any one else ever again."

The others laughed, Jay did too for a bit. But the words seemed to weigh the same as bricks and were tied to his soul. Slowly the laughter started to feel forced until Jay stopped making sounds all together. He fought the tears that were growing in his eyes.

Outside of himself, the remaining three ninja told Cole off for his 'joke'.

It didn't last long and the room was silent.

 **100 90 80 70 60 50 40 30 12 11 1 1**

 **100 90 80** 70 60 **5** 0 4 **0 30 12** 11 **1** 0 9 **8 7 6** 5 4 **3 2 1**

 **100 90 80** 70 60 50 40 _30_ **12 11** _10 9_ 8 **7 6 5** 4 **3 2 1**

 **100 90 8** 0 70 60 **50 40 30** _12 11 10_ 9 **8 7 6** _5 4 3_ 2 1

 **100 90 80** _70 6_ 0 **5** _ **0 40 30**_ _12 11_ 10 **9 8 7** _ **6 5 4**_ _3 2_ 1

Cole started talked again. Jay's surroundings became sharper, but blocked out Cole's voice. The numbers in his head became fuzzier as he tried to keep the tears that were _still_ growing concealed.

There was silence again. Jay continue to count. He just needed to fake it until he could get out of here.

"Jay. I asked you a question."

That's why the room went quiet. They were waiting for his answer. But Jay didn't have one. He didn't know what the question was. All he knew was the numbers in his head. The ones that kept disappearing.

Cole was repeating himself. Jay tried to sit. Listen to the words, but he didn't understand. Cole spoke to fast. He wasn't

The numbers came back They waved in and out of Jay's head. Why? Wouldn't they just sit still.

Cole was speaking But the words weren't English. They were. Jay didn't know what they meant. They were weightless. Invisible. Words that floated by his head where did the weight of the words go

 **100 90 8** 0 70 60 50

 **100 90** 80 70 **50 60**

How did you count again

"Jay

Y

ou ca

n g

o"

That wasn't Cole. The voice was softer what's softer It said something.

Go. Go to leave. Leave is to out. To go

Jay got off his chair and left the dining room. He walked. Stomped. Swayed. Tripped to the bedroom His bed was the bottom. The was made. Jay didn't want to mess that up. He grabbed the soft blanket from the foot of his bed. It wasn't huge. It was light blue with green dots. Jay wrapped the around him like a cocoon and sat on his bed facing the wall. He held his pillow to his chest and hid his wet and red face in the top of it.

 **100 90 80 70 60 50 40 30 12 11 1 2**

Tears. Jay started continued crying. The numbers weren't working nothing was working Jay wasn't working

Working working **working working working** _ **working**_ _working working working_ working **working working** working _working_ working

100 90 80 70 60 50 40 30 12 11 10 9 8 7

 **100 90 80** 70 60 50

100 **90** 80

100

 **100**

 _ **100**_

 **30 12 11**

80

What came after 80?

There was sounds coming from outside room. Life was continuing as normal.

What was normal?

How long had Jay been sitting here? His face was dry. He could feel the tears that remained as sticky dry plastic stone on his face. Not moving.

Jay slowly put his back where it belonged. The pillow was scrunched in the middle and the end of it was a wet dry. Jay's legs felt cramped around his knees from keeping then bent. The blanket tried slipping from his shoulders but Jay wouldnot have it. Jay made his way of his bed and onto his feet. He started walking without knowing where he was going.

He realized where he was after he reached his destination. The kitchen. Jay wanted pudding. He went to the fridge. He grabbed a pudding cup.

"J

Ay?"

Somebody wanted to talk. Talk to Jay. Jay turned around to face the person. Cole stood there. In his hands he had a spoon. A spoon for the pudding.

"Jay

I'm so

rry."

Jay stared at the spoon. Sorry. Cole was sorry. Jay wanted the spoon. Jay needed something.

"I sho

uldn't have made the joke. I am s

orry. Here is a spoon for

the pudding."

Jay nodded. He took the spoon from Cole. Not words were in his throat. His head was empty. Cole smiled. Half-smiled. That half-smile people give after they apologize after theyhave messed up. The smile that is them trying to be happy, but the happy wasnot there because somebody else was sad. The smile only lasts for a second.

Cole left. Jay sat and ate his pudding in peace. Kai walked by, but he did not have any words either. He continued through the kitchen to wherever his mind was taking him.

Jay finished his pudding. He threw away the empty cup. He placed the dirty spoon in the dishwasher. He walked back to his room.

It was still early. Jay did not care. He climbed back into bed. The lights were off in the room. Jay placed his head on his pillow. He closed his eyes and fell into a dark empty cold slumber that would confine him to his bed for the rest of the night.

* * *

 **Okay so I haven't posted in a while and that's my fault and please don't kill me.**

 **This story is one I wrote a while ago. It's suppose to capture what it feels like (to me) when I have a mental shutdown. A lot of people don't know what a mental shutdown feels like. I decided that since I'm able to write, I'm going to help educate people. That being said, mental shutdowns are not the same for everybody. This was based off a personal experience of where I had a mental shut down. It's not the first and it won't be the last.**

 **All the typos and improper grammar is on purpose. In my head, things grow and shrink in size, a 3d concept that is hard to copy into 2d writing.**

 **That's all I have right now. Thank you for reading. Bye.**


End file.
